day 11

Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:16 PM

someone saved my life today with only a smile

all thru my blog you have read many things about my thoughts, some of those thoughts have included my feelings on myself. The trials and tribulations one goes thru when their life, my life is turned upside down, the fears of never fully recovering , physically or emotionally, those fears grab hold and refuse to relinquish their grip........with all my might I have tried to help others while never fully helping myself..... I take great pride that my words have sooth, healed and strenghtened hearts of others, but I must admit I am deeply pained that those same words leave my heart heavy. I have fought and prayed, laughed, cried, talked and listened, trying to find some sense of where my life is now and always and I mean always I have come up empty...I questioned myself on being selfish, I have challenged myself on being patient and I have scolded myself for being thoughtless. But it always came back to sadness, I know that its only been five months since I left the hospital, I know how much struggle was placed on me and I know how supportive my friends and family are to me, but I was introduced yesterday to what I was missing. I was at the gym, working hard and never since my hospital stay has anyone paid me any mind. I mean that's O.K. I go to the gym to work out, trying to make me better, trying to put aside my hurt......... There was a man working out at the same time near me, nothing special about this man, just happened to be there at the same time. As I was lifting I started to realize I was really working out again and it felt great ....I was finishing up when this man walked by and and we glanced at each other and he smiled, yes smiled, nothing else, we did not speak at all, he just smiled but it was one of those smiles that you wear when your puppy greets you at the door, one of those smiles when your favorite sports team wins, one of those smiles when your lottery ticket is a winner....These smiles are genuine, they are honest , they are real... And when he smiled and kept walking I smiled and for the first time realized I was getting better, I was growing stronger, that smile tore away the grip fear had on me, I am not saying I don't have alot of work to do but what I am saying is I am confident I am succeeding. A stranger saved my life yesterday with only a smile...........so I ask everyone what is it worth to you to know that you made someone feel alittle better about themselves today!!!is it worth a smile!