day 7
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:17 PM
Never say you hate someone
I ran across a woman today who was emotionally exhausted,crying and in so much pain......I asked, "excuse me , miss , can I help you?" No , No you can't was her answer,,,,Please , please are you sure? Get away from me ..,no,no, I am sorry....you can not help me.....I had a fight earlier with my 17 year old son and like all 17 year olds, he stormed out of the house , but before he left, he yelled "I hate you" and I yelled back I hate you too. Then about 6pm, there came a knock on my door and it was the police, asking me if I had a son and was his name Michael, I told them yes , yes my son, my only child is named Michael, They then showed me his wallet, Why do you have Michael's wallet? I asked! ...... they started to tell me my son was at a friends house where his friends brother was targeted by a drug dealer who came by their house when my son happened to be there and my son was killed,shot him in the head.......You see ,he was my baby, my life,,,,,why did he have to leave this way?..Can you help me find Jesus? I need to speak to him. No , No I can not, I said....she continued , " but I told him I hated him when he walked out that door and that was the last thing he heard from me.............I spoke up,, no it was not, it was not the last thing he heard,, He is hearing you now, He knows how you feel , he knows how hurt you are, He feels your pain ...say something to him ,,,say it now......"Jesus, oh Jesus ,,baby, I
should have not yelled at you, I was only worried about you, but my worrying got you killed , baby, please forgive me"..............
I share this story with you, with one thought in mind, please watch you words when speaking to a loved one , If it is the last time you do see them, the toughest time you will have is not if they forgive you but if you can forgive yourself.........remove hate from your vocabulary forever , as hate never has a happy ending.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Saturday, August 22, 2009
day 6
When I was a young boy my vivd thoughts and wild imagination took a whole new turn.... I read Ralph Ellison's invisible man and wondered back in 1952 did he know something that none of us knew? I remember wishing I was Ralph Ellison's invisible man, not for the discourse but for what my imagination could bring, imaging me going anywhere ,sneaking on that Mr frosty ice cream truck and getting all the ice cream I wanted, showing up late for class during a test but not really and visiting the girls locker room when lets just say it was busy and now, now as I am older the thoughts of the super bowl ,standing right there on the sidelines , or visiting Cuba and walking aimlessly thru a majestic ,beautiful land without anyone aware of my presence or, or going to Pakistan and finding osama bin laden and in a whisper getting rid of him without a trace........have entered my mind, but tonight I went out to a bar and I saw people I knew but for the first time in my life I actually....felt Invisible. It was busy, I played pool as I always do and I played darts as well, I win most of the time in pool and tonight surprisingly I won in darts... music was pumping and chatter could be heard all around but I was alone in another paradox of self doubt. hey I am here , does anyone see me? Hi, I am mark , how are you? --OK , no problem he did not hear me!!really!!OK !!! I give up my game ,,you guys play.....I said you guys play........I SAID YOU GUYS PLAY!!!!SILENCE.......then music , then chatter, then I walked out and headed to my truck. no goodbyes, no,, where are you going? nothing, I was invisible, I was sad, Ralph , you have it all wrong, it is so depressing, so hurtful to be invisible, no more fantasying about being here or there. no more making invisible, sexy, Ralph it hurt real bad, I was invisible tonight and nothing you wrote could make me feel good, but I vow with my words I will never ever be invisible again
day 5
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:18 PM
A new beginning
I thought the other day; I thought to myself, I need a new beginning. A new beginning to be able to laugh again, love again, be happy again, this life, my life now was depressing me, letting me down ………my health had failed me, my job paid too little, I had no love life , I was drinking a little to much, my once proud body was a little beat up, I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for me, it was not fair, why me?, I deserve much more….Then it dawned on me, My life did not let me down, my life was not depressing me,,,,,, it was me…..me who was depressing me ,me who was letting me down. Me who drank a little too much……I was looking for the easy way out , I was trying to blame something or someone for my unhappiness…well truth be told, I blame me,,, I control my actions, I control my mind, I control my job, I control my body….. I control……..I was right about a new beginning but my approach had been wrong, I can have a new beginning here, I will demand from myself that I start fresh, fresh with the new sunrise, fresh with the sunset, It is my life, my responsibility, not yours, not theirs, no mine and mine alone.
Take hold of your life as I have taken hold of mine, if you do not like your job –you change it , you do not have a love life ,find it…..you drink too much, cut back….if we do not get motivated to help ourselves…who will? A new beginning I yearned for and a new beginning I found without ever moving from this keyboard……
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:18 PM
A new beginning
I thought the other day; I thought to myself, I need a new beginning. A new beginning to be able to laugh again, love again, be happy again, this life, my life now was depressing me, letting me down ………my health had failed me, my job paid too little, I had no love life , I was drinking a little to much, my once proud body was a little beat up, I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for me, it was not fair, why me?, I deserve much more….Then it dawned on me, My life did not let me down, my life was not depressing me,,,,,, it was me…..me who was depressing me ,me who was letting me down. Me who drank a little too much……I was looking for the easy way out , I was trying to blame something or someone for my unhappiness…well truth be told, I blame me,,, I control my actions, I control my mind, I control my job, I control my body….. I control……..I was right about a new beginning but my approach had been wrong, I can have a new beginning here, I will demand from myself that I start fresh, fresh with the new sunrise, fresh with the sunset, It is my life, my responsibility, not yours, not theirs, no mine and mine alone.
Take hold of your life as I have taken hold of mine, if you do not like your job –you change it , you do not have a love life ,find it…..you drink too much, cut back….if we do not get motivated to help ourselves…who will? A new beginning I yearned for and a new beginning I found without ever moving from this keyboard……
day 4
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:18 PM
crying can be a funny thing
I know , I know, when you see this title you will question my thought. But hold on , let me explain. I understand, when we are born we are made to cry, is that sad or funny? When you slip in public in front of Macy's on Christmas eve, is that sad or funny? when you are at a comedy show and the comic is tearing it up and tears are strolling down your face please tell me that's funny, when you are watching a show with your friend in a theater or your home and you start tearing up ,crying, is that funny? How about watching a movie with a cynical friend, a lifetime movie and you start crying is that funny to you? no, but is it funny to your friend?, maybe. In my case --definitely yes, as my friend found out the other day when some no title movie came on and they started to cry at certain moments of the movie and I knew this because they always headed to the bathroom , really,why? I called them out on it and there response which is typical was ------shut up. Yes , I ask ,are you crying? and I am told to Shut Up, that is funny shit.... I see so much hurt and pain in this world , in my world, its tough out there, every corner I turn, I run into someone in pain, someone in need, someone displaced, some one who lost a job , someone who lost a loved one and the list goes on and on and I feel their pain , I see their pain cascading down there cheeks with tears, everyday , morning, noon and night, so I wanted to share this thought that crying could be, should be a funny thing, .... The greatest moment I could ever have would be to see more tears brought on by joy and happiness rather than by hurt and pain ,,,now that would be a funny... funny.... wonderful thing .day 5
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:18 PM
crying can be a funny thing
I know , I know, when you see this title you will question my thought. But hold on , let me explain. I understand, when we are born we are made to cry, is that sad or funny? When you slip in public in front of Macy's on Christmas eve, is that sad or funny? when you are at a comedy show and the comic is tearing it up and tears are strolling down your face please tell me that's funny, when you are watching a show with your friend in a theater or your home and you start tearing up ,crying, is that funny? How about watching a movie with a cynical friend, a lifetime movie and you start crying is that funny to you? no, but is it funny to your friend?, maybe. In my case --definitely yes, as my friend found out the other day when some no title movie came on and they started to cry at certain moments of the movie and I knew this because they always headed to the bathroom , really,why? I called them out on it and there response which is typical was ------shut up. Yes , I ask ,are you crying? and I am told to Shut Up, that is funny shit.... I see so much hurt and pain in this world , in my world, its tough out there, every corner I turn, I run into someone in pain, someone in need, someone displaced, some one who lost a job , someone who lost a loved one and the list goes on and on and I feel their pain , I see their pain cascading down there cheeks with tears, everyday , morning, noon and night, so I wanted to share this thought that crying could be, should be a funny thing, .... The greatest moment I could ever have would be to see more tears brought on by joy and happiness rather than by hurt and pain ,,,now that would be a funny... funny.... wonderful thing .day 5
day 3
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:18 PM
does time heal all when friends are concerned?
I am not a computer junkie even though I have used my computer while being a junkie and for the most deviant purposes. I have found we have so many social sites now adays that they rival my pasta sauce choices at Ralph's, we have all those sex sites, all those dating ,wink ,wink sites. all those occupational sites, all those club sites ,sites ,sites sites. it made me feel like I was on that roller coaster , space mountain again and again and again, loving every moment of it but couldn't wait to get off. then along comes face book and my past knocks on my front door without any warning. A old friend found me on face book today, he looks good but I was there when he took that picture, so who knows. The thing is we were so close, friends , very good friends, best friends, I helped him in his time of need and well he helped me in mine and then one day it ended and ended abruptly, as abruptly as a bad date, but this was or should not have happened, one bad phone conversation, words exchanged and feelings hurt. Anger and sadness nestled up together like baby birds in a rain storm. We each carried our thoughts alone and masked them with lives on separate shores, then his message to me----Mark , Mark is that you, its Bruce , please do not delete , I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are, are you good? you look good , please respond , please I am your friend, please............
well I admit that tears formed as abruptly as our friendship had ended when reading this message sent to me . Of course I would not delete this message, it had been so long, why were we not friends? what? that's crazy! Well, we are again , right were we belong, in each others lifes, him on one coast and me on another. So I asked myself ---Was it face book that allowed us to rekindle our friendship or TIME? Face book helped but TIME was the champion, we are so selfish, so self absorbed, so human, we as people only have two ways of reacting,---- emotionally and rationally, emotionally ignites the disagreements, the anger, the tears and Rationally apologizes for the disagreements,the anger but still brings tears and TIME is the instrument for such actions,,,,,,please find that one person you never have forgotten, who has meant so much to you, go on any social site or by any means make contact , they will be waiting for you , isn't it TIME ?
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:18 PM
does time heal all when friends are concerned?
I am not a computer junkie even though I have used my computer while being a junkie and for the most deviant purposes. I have found we have so many social sites now adays that they rival my pasta sauce choices at Ralph's, we have all those sex sites, all those dating ,wink ,wink sites. all those occupational sites, all those club sites ,sites ,sites sites. it made me feel like I was on that roller coaster , space mountain again and again and again, loving every moment of it but couldn't wait to get off. then along comes face book and my past knocks on my front door without any warning. A old friend found me on face book today, he looks good but I was there when he took that picture, so who knows. The thing is we were so close, friends , very good friends, best friends, I helped him in his time of need and well he helped me in mine and then one day it ended and ended abruptly, as abruptly as a bad date, but this was or should not have happened, one bad phone conversation, words exchanged and feelings hurt. Anger and sadness nestled up together like baby birds in a rain storm. We each carried our thoughts alone and masked them with lives on separate shores, then his message to me----Mark , Mark is that you, its Bruce , please do not delete , I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are, are you good? you look good , please respond , please I am your friend, please............
well I admit that tears formed as abruptly as our friendship had ended when reading this message sent to me . Of course I would not delete this message, it had been so long, why were we not friends? what? that's crazy! Well, we are again , right were we belong, in each others lifes, him on one coast and me on another. So I asked myself ---Was it face book that allowed us to rekindle our friendship or TIME? Face book helped but TIME was the champion, we are so selfish, so self absorbed, so human, we as people only have two ways of reacting,---- emotionally and rationally, emotionally ignites the disagreements, the anger, the tears and Rationally apologizes for the disagreements,the anger but still brings tears and TIME is the instrument for such actions,,,,,,please find that one person you never have forgotten, who has meant so much to you, go on any social site or by any means make contact , they will be waiting for you , isn't it TIME ?
day 2
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:19 PM
my thought today is really a question and my thoughts on this question.
Can you really be taken seriously arguing NAKED ?
I was with a friend this past weekend and we found ourselves in La Jolla, California , blacks beach and for all who do not know, blacks beach is a nude beach. Now the locale is beautiful ,breathtaking , para gliders, view for miles and the walk down to the beach thru the cliffs is to die for ( walking back up the cliffs after hanging at the beach will literally kill you but that's another story) well we found our spot and were enjoying the views when from behind us we heard a commotion,-- for this story we will call our men the Confront-or and the Confrontee, well we turned to see this very hot and very well put together and very nicely packaged NAKED MAN ( the confront or ) pointing his naked finger at this small,thin, old Asian man who was fully clothed and I mean fully, he had shorts on, he had a t-shirt on, he had a sweater on( beach-hot -summer, I know) he had socks on and flip flops on,- his right hand held a beach chair and his left arm held a blanket and a six pack of wine coolers , OK, OK , I am joking, no wine coolers ( the confrontee ). I guess what had happened was the Confront-or had moved from point to point on the beach and the Confrontee had followed,, well enough was enough and the Confront-or ( the hot guy ) shouted " You following me, You following me, just like a wise guy, if you want to keep you teeth do not follow me again,--- WOW,WOW. The Confrontee responded " ei, ou, me no ,yes, sorry, be, boe. ---I looked at my friend and was like "what the fuck" the Confrontee gave in to the Confront-or, I started laughing and laughing and more laughing. Really, was the confront-or that menacing, no , no I proclaim, he was well put together, everyone was following him and besides being naked on a beach --what do you expect! The confront-or looked silly pointing his naked finger like that , he should have just pointed his you know what and the confrontee would have probably died ,end of confrontation. but no....I wanted to shout, " put some boxers on and repeat that , because no one and I mean no one is looking at your finger". Better judgement came over me and I watched as the Confront-or banished himself into some leafy dunes, I did see him pop his head out on occasion, yes the one connected to his neck, thank you. so sad an ending but I give this advice please please if you are going to argue on a nude beach put some boxers on or be banished to the leafy dunes.
so can you really be taken seriously arguing naked?
Wednesday, September 09, 2009 9:19 PM
my thought today is really a question and my thoughts on this question.
Can you really be taken seriously arguing NAKED ?
I was with a friend this past weekend and we found ourselves in La Jolla, California , blacks beach and for all who do not know, blacks beach is a nude beach. Now the locale is beautiful ,breathtaking , para gliders, view for miles and the walk down to the beach thru the cliffs is to die for ( walking back up the cliffs after hanging at the beach will literally kill you but that's another story) well we found our spot and were enjoying the views when from behind us we heard a commotion,-- for this story we will call our men the Confront-or and the Confrontee, well we turned to see this very hot and very well put together and very nicely packaged NAKED MAN ( the confront or ) pointing his naked finger at this small,thin, old Asian man who was fully clothed and I mean fully, he had shorts on, he had a t-shirt on, he had a sweater on( beach-hot -summer, I know) he had socks on and flip flops on,- his right hand held a beach chair and his left arm held a blanket and a six pack of wine coolers , OK, OK , I am joking, no wine coolers ( the confrontee ). I guess what had happened was the Confront-or had moved from point to point on the beach and the Confrontee had followed,, well enough was enough and the Confront-or ( the hot guy ) shouted " You following me, You following me, just like a wise guy, if you want to keep you teeth do not follow me again,--- WOW,WOW. The Confrontee responded " ei, ou, me no ,yes, sorry, be, boe. ---I looked at my friend and was like "what the fuck" the Confrontee gave in to the Confront-or, I started laughing and laughing and more laughing. Really, was the confront-or that menacing, no , no I proclaim, he was well put together, everyone was following him and besides being naked on a beach --what do you expect! The confront-or looked silly pointing his naked finger like that , he should have just pointed his you know what and the confrontee would have probably died ,end of confrontation. but no....I wanted to shout, " put some boxers on and repeat that , because no one and I mean no one is looking at your finger". Better judgement came over me and I watched as the Confront-or banished himself into some leafy dunes, I did see him pop his head out on occasion, yes the one connected to his neck, thank you. so sad an ending but I give this advice please please if you are going to argue on a nude beach put some boxers on or be banished to the leafy dunes.
so can you really be taken seriously arguing naked?
Sunday, August 16, 2009
day one
for 30 days come 30 thoughts about life, share with me your thoughts as I share with you mine, the first being:
Searching a million times will find me a million things, none guaranteed to be LOVE,, but finding love guarantees my searching.
I will not succumb to defeat when love hides from me or lets me down, I will not curse the day , the person, my life. Nothing was promised me, I never heard " if you work hard, study everyday, practice, practice, practice you will succeed in love". Love is that fleeting feeling that overwhelms us, it is the "The Golden Snitch" of Harry Potters Quidditch. So captivating , beautiful, enticing, but all too often invisible. It exist! it does, it is in every movie, every story, every love story and every horror movie. I have failed love and love has failed me but in this thought, my thought, I vow to never give up never give in for when love rears itself to me I will open both arms to welcome it. anyone else?
Searching a million times will find me a million things, none guaranteed to be LOVE,, but finding love guarantees my searching.
I will not succumb to defeat when love hides from me or lets me down, I will not curse the day , the person, my life. Nothing was promised me, I never heard " if you work hard, study everyday, practice, practice, practice you will succeed in love". Love is that fleeting feeling that overwhelms us, it is the "The Golden Snitch" of Harry Potters Quidditch. So captivating , beautiful, enticing, but all too often invisible. It exist! it does, it is in every movie, every story, every love story and every horror movie. I have failed love and love has failed me but in this thought, my thought, I vow to never give up never give in for when love rears itself to me I will open both arms to welcome it. anyone else?
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